I define Food Serenity as returning to a place where food is consumed for nourishment, energy and honoring my body. No longer using food to achieve a feeling, (numbing out, love, comfort), rather using food for its rightful purpose. This has been my life long dream.
I not sure when food lost its rightful purpose in my life, but I know I do NOT want to spend the rest of my days on earth trying to figure out how to safely consume my drugs of choice ̶ sugar and flour products.
Me against Desserts; Me against Pizza; Me against Fast Food ̶ I lose everything. I am finally learning not to get into the “ring”. These substances are so incredibly toxic in my system. What do you do with toxins, or even toxic people? You cut them out of your life. It is so much easier to cut these foods out, then to negotiate with them. I’ve stop trying to figure out when I can have them, how much I can have of them, where I can have them. If they are cut out, if they are not an option ̶ I am safe, I am at peace. The price I have paid to eat these foods include: destroying my self-esteem; the loss of motivation; the inability to be patient and kind.
I won’t waste another week, day or minute. Nothing, absolutely nothing should have the power to take my self-esteem. But it happens every time I try to be a “normal” eater. I am not a “normal” eater, something happen to me along the way, and my full switch doesn’t work when it comes to chemically engineered foods.
A few years ago, I attend a four-day conference, which was thousands of dollars to attend and attaches people from all over the world. It is held by a highly regarded establishment, and it was all about empowerment. On the last day, physical health was discussed. It was the belief of the speaker, that people could enjoy a “cheat” day once a week. Well, I was off to the races with that advice, I couldn’t wait to get back to Toronto and enjoy my cheat day. Once again it was proven to me how quickly I could be beaten down by addiction. I made the fatal error of taking advice from someone who has never been a food addict.
I believe there is a spectrum of eaters. On one end is the “normal eater”, they can comfortably eat, they are in touch with their bodies and know when to stop. My six year daughter is a normal eater, she enjoys food, and is completely in touch with her body. It is music to my ears every time I hear, “mommy I am full” and she pushes her plate away. I pour praise on her each time, we are NOT a finish everything on your plate home.
Back to the spectrum of eaters, after normal eaters, we have “emotional” eaters, people who at times over indulge at special occasions, or might eat a pint of ice cream because they broke with their partner. They feel the consequences of those actions, and do not wish to continue and can return to “normal eating” until another occasion presents itself. The idea of having the occasional cheat day works quite well for them.
Next you have a Food Addict, once they start on triggers foods, for most that is sugar, flour, fat and salt. They CANNOT STOP, one bite turns into the entire day, turns into a 2-3 days of bingeing until they have a few days of reprieve until the cycle starts again.
Lastly you have myself, I consider myself a late stage food addict. I have suffered a couple of relapses, and coming back from a relapse was quite possibility the most difficult thing I have ever done. A late stage food addict knows life without trigger foods is the easier, softer way. To try to negotiate having sugar and flour is to dance with the devil.
I make it clear in my mind, my trigger foods will lead me to a slow painful death, me against those foods, and I lose every time.
So I don’t even get into the ring.