In today’s blog I am going to open up my heart, share one of my greatest fears and be completely vulnerable.
Am I thin enough…. AND what is enough!?!
My chosen profession or should I say passion, is both a blessing and a curse. I have to practice what I preach – otherwise, I am a fraud and stand for nothing. I am only my word and my work shows up in my body. Talk about being vulnerable!! I can’t find how I am doing. I host a radio show called “Your Daily Diet, A Spiritual Guide to a Healthy Body Size”!
So my mind tells me everyone is expecting me to be model thin and I’m not. What does this say about me? What does this say about my message? Am I thin enough and what exactly is enough?!!
Many of you know, I smashed the scale a long time ago. My weight is none of my business. My business is to eat fresh, alive, whole foods and move my body. I have completely released myself from the bondage of the scale. The number does not define me. Gone are the days of eating to appease the scale; gone are the days of total disappointment after working hard and NOT seeing the number I wanted. The number on the scale is no longer the prize. The prize is feeling great about what I am doing and how I am doing it.
I can’t use the scale to validate my body, so let me turn to my dress size. Can I be defined by my dress size? Well, it all depends on where I’m shopping. Some retailers have figured out the game and know if I can fit into a size 4 at their shop, I am a loyal customer forever. But I can’t get satisfaction here, and I won’t let this number define me either.
Next I try the mirror, will I get the answer I am searching for? Am I thin enough? Unfortunately, having this disease called food addiction for the better part of my life has left me with a serious complication called “distorted perception”. Our brains are powerful machines, I can see things that are not there, and I can feel things that aren’t true.
Maybe I should let YOU validate my body. I can put my self-worth on a platter and shop it around. Post a picture on “Hot or Not” and let you decide how I feel about myself. So many of us are searching for validation and worth outside of ourselves. From our jobs, our partners, our grades, such a dangerous game. Allowing self-worth to be fueled by a fleeting source such as public option.
I need something grounded inside of me, a sense of worth that is so strong no one needs to give it to me, and no one can take it away from me.
So when I ask or you ask: Am I thin enough? I answer: What is enough? And isn’t the real question: AM I ENOUGH?